Hello - I have half-written this post then erased it several times over the past few days. I've decided to post it to see if maybe anyone else has gone through anything similar and can help.

I've posted recently about having both Mum and Dad in hospital. Mum has a non-operable heart condition which, due to her age (nearly 85) and diabetes/prior stroke, will eventually lead to heart failure. She is very breathless and increasingly frail. Dad has done most of the caring, although I go after work each day and at weekends and organise on line shopping and take them to appointments when I can. They agreed last summer to have a cleaner and carer in the evening for Mum and the boys do the gardens for Dad. Dad was in hospital in Oct with enlarged liver. When Mum was taken in 10 days ago, I realised Dad was drinking.

I had no idea how much and how often, but found 3 empty litre bottles of vodka in the bin on Tuesday (bins are emptied on Thurs) and another half empty in his shed. I spoke to him about it, which was very painful for us both. It has been going on for 4 months. He said he would stop and I asked him to come to the GP with me to get help. I agreed with him not to say anything to Mum as she has just come out of hospital. At the weeknd, Mum rang an hour after I left saying she thought he was unconscious, so I went straight back with my eldest son, who knew what was going on. Dad was drunk and not in control of what he said and it was very distressing for Mum. He was having chest pains so I had to call 999 (2nd time in 5 days) and he was taken in. He was released once they realised he was drunk.

After a nightmare couple of days, I finally got him to the GP today. He has been given librium and a phone number for an alcohol advice service. I rang when we got home and of course, they wouldn't speak to me. Dad said they have said they will ring with an appointment time for tomorrow to attend a drop in centre in town. He's 82 and dosed with librium; there is no way he can get there himself, so I will have to go too. I found another empty bottle in the shed today too.

I can't begin to explain how awful it all feels. The thought of my Dad at a drop-in centre for substance abusers makes me want to cry. I've tried to look online to find advice for family but not really found much. Even if there was time and energy, Mum would not be able to attend meetings. She is distressed and confused and I don't know what to do to help. My marriage broke down as a result of my ex's alcoholism and I can't believe I am doing it all again with my Dad.

I know it isn't the sort of thing that people want to speak about. I feel guilty just putting this down. But if anyone knows of advice/reading material etc I would be very grateful. Thankfully the GP has signed me off for another 2 weeks whilst I get used to the Enbrel and over this flare, so I don't have to go back to school till after Half Term. Thankyou for listening xx Ailsa

More hugs from me Ailsa!

I'm so sorry you are going through this with your Dad.

I can't help ,I wish I could, but if I find anything useful on the net for you I'll let you know.

Love and more hugs, Doreen xx

hi Ailsa,

just wanted to say i shed a tear reading this, have been there and got the T Shirt with my " Dad " when i was a Child. he finally left us when i was 10.

it affected me for many many years afterwards.

i hope you do find a good support unit out there, and Jean has made a good suggestion.

really hope you can get help for him and in turn give you the inner peace you need.

take care and sending ((( Hugs ))) x

Hi Ailsa,

Sorry to hear this, it is very sad. Maybe its a cry for help and a short release from everyday life because if he had been drinking for a longer time I am sure you would have noticed before.

My sister drinks far too much and has at least two bottles of wine every evening, but she is in total denial, due to other reasons we have no contact but I get a regular update on her from other family members and it has been going on for at least 15 years getting steadily worse.

I really hope you get the help you need for your dad.

Anne x

This site looks quite helpful Ailsa.

http://www.alcoholissues...friends-alcoholics.html

Hope it helps,

Love, Doreen xx

Hello Ailsa,

Firstly never apologise on here . It is good therapy for you to write down your thoughs.

I so feel for you and can understand why you are so stressed at the mo. Gosh
your Dad perhaps hasn't been able to cope with your Mum so turned to the bottle.
So sorry to hear this a very big worry for you.

The suggestions above I hope can be of assistance and I don't think I can
add anything else. I hope he will attend the groups

Keep posting as this will help you and you are also so important and must look
after yourself


Rose x

Hi Ailsa, sorry i can't offer anything to help, but thinking of you and hoping you feel better for getting it off your chest on here.

Bevxx

Hi Ailsa

This is very close to my heart and I understand what you are going through. Thinking of you and hoping you are able to get all the help you need.
Take care

Lyn x

Hope you can manage to persuade your Dad to get help Ailsa, and things get better for you soon.

Love, Doreen xx

Thankyou everyone for your thoughts and for sharing too. I know it isn't easy. The librium seems to be helping Dad manage. The last few days have been a bit easier. Unfortunately, the 1st appointment we could get is next Tuesday, so hope things stay settled till then. I could do with a few days without excitement! xx Ailsa